I now know that I am capable of creating my future.
My measurements literally did not change. It was not a surprise, but, for a moment, in the back of my mind I ask myself, “Then what did I do the last 90 days?” as though I hadn’t done anything with my life. That is a false and negative thought. While it is true that my motivation for physical change has flagged compared to when I was newer to this whole thing, I have definitely added significance and good habits to my life.
First and foremost, I have continued to cultivate a relationship with a significant other. This is huge for me. Previously, I had never dated anyone for more than one month. So, basically I have been single for 36 years. And on top of that, I began the dating world totally and completely scared out of my mind even asking someone out. It has taken over 20 years to work through that. Additionally, learning to share life with someone has been a major learning curve for me. I desire it, but having so many years on my own has presented the continuous need for serious soul searching and pushing through inner challenges of mind and heart. I am happy to say that we are still going and I am grateful to have her in my life. We have had many adventures this summer and I look forward to many more!
In previous Challenge essays I have mentioned some addiction and inner demons I have been fighting. I am grateful to report that through the last 2 Challenges I am still going strong and staying free from the addiction that has plagued me for more than 2 decades. That has done wonders for my spiritual life and I am grateful to God that He has helped me. When I helped choose the 2016 theme “NEVER GIVE UP,” for me this phrase and choice were coming from a place of years and years of struggle, victory, and defeat repeated over and over and over again. But I knew that if I ever gave up I would be done for. If I ever stopped fighting, that would be the end of me. I will NEVER give up on this fight to remain clean because I know it is both worth it and the only way.
During this Challenge I had a serious, very painful wake up call as to my business success and it was not good. I had to dig deep and really commit to snap out of it and really start providing value to the work in which I am involved. I am nowhere near perfect, but I can now honestly say I am producing at a new level.
Another big eye opener this Challenge was realizing I didn’t believe in myself. I had been saying I wanted to go on the FitMania cruise, but I had done nothing about it. Eventually I realized two things. I didn’t have a good vision for how great a cruise experience could be. But more importantly, I didn’t believe I could do it. I didn’t believe in myself enough to think I could actually earn the extra money to go. Thanks to some serious talk from Maynard, and to myself for really honestly trying to hear what he was saying, I began believing that not only COULD I make it happen, but that I SHOULD make it happen so I could prove to myself that I can do what I want with my life. I have successfully been earning money to get myself and Rachel on the cruise. Believing in myself is still a work in progress, but I now know that I am capable of creating my future.
To add to my financial success, with the help of Ken as my hired coach, I created a bimonthly budget and having been using the envelop system to stick to it. That has helped tremendously.
I would like my fellow trainers to know that every Challenge will be different. Also, just because you may not end up where you had set out to go, great things can happen if you will just keep going and never give up on yourself. Who knows what areas of your life will improve if you will just continue to work on yourself. Even now, I am turning in this essay late. The week following end-of-challenge pictures I got very sick and had to emergency fly to Las Vegas to visit my dad in the hospital because he almost died. I was more exhausted that week than I’ve been in a very long time. My body was taxed beyond what I could remember. The thought of writing one sentence for the essay exhausted me. I didn’t meet the deadline, but I did work during my sickness and got all of the challenge pictures ready in time for me to fly to Vegas. And, even though I was still sick and utterly exhausted, I visited my dad and provided him some much needed support. And now I’m completing my essay. Never Give Up. Ever.
I plan to continue forward setting goals and working toward them. I plan to work on getting back to eating 6 times a day. That has become a struggle. Even though it is a challenge to get a full workout in while training, I plan to find moments when I can work harder during the workouts. And I plan to work with Rachel on prepping our meals so we have the food we need. I also plan to continue setting goals and seeking mentors in the other areas of life. I think that has been the biggest help to me – seeking out people who I can be mentored by and who encourage me and hold me accountable.